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`Ilio Nui
`Olu`olu
USA
826 Posts |
 Posted - 03/21/2007 : 05:23:10 AM
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YOU KNOW YOUR FROM HAWAII WHEN...
-You can understand and speak PIDGIN.
-You go to dinner and "make one plate" with all the extra food leftover.
-You automatically take off your shoes before entering people's homes.
-You wear rubber slippers to the beach and to school.
-You eat rice every single day.
-It's "shave ice" not"snow cones".
-You know NEVER to turn your back to the ocean.
-When someone says to "dress up" it means one nice aloha shirt and jeans.
-It's SHOYU, not soy sauce.
-You know you aren't supposed to whistle at night
-You eat Arare.
-To you, sushi means sushi, not RAW FISH!
-You would serve spam as a meat for dinner...
-You have a billion pairs of slippers in front your door when your family gets together
-You eat portuguese sausage, eggs, and rice for breakfast.
-You don't understand why anyone would buy less than a 20 lb bag of rice...
-You know why there are letters of the alphabet on trees on graduation day
-You know what the "stink eye" is; and how to give it.
-You know the difference between being hapa and being hapai
-You know what it takes to get into Kamehameha School.
-You say, "Nori" not seaweed.
-You say "Brah" not "Bro".
-Your jokes are about Portugese not Polish.
-You know what "Morgan's Corner " is ... (And it still scares you!)
-You think 70 degrees is freezing cold
-You call it "saimin" not "Top Ramen"
-Zippys is a default choice of where to eat!
-When you hear the words "fundraiser", you know it means Zippy's Chili or school kine cookies
-You have said "where we gon go? or "dakine"
-Your only suit is a bathing suit.
-You go to Neiman Marcus "jus fo look"
-The mainland people no can understand your language.
-You never understood why adding pineapple and ham to a pizza made it Hawaiian to the rest of the world
-The condiments at the dinner table are shoyu, ketchup, chili peppah watah, kimchee, takuwan, Hawaiian salt and pickled onion
-A balanced meal has three starches: rice, macaroni and bread
-You call everyone older than you "Aunty" or "Uncle" even though they aren't related to you
-Your philosophy is "Bumbai"
-You drive barefoot.
-You feel guilt leaving a get-together without helping clean up.
-You'd rather drag out the compressor and fill that leaking tire everysingle morning than have it fixed.
-The only time you honk your horn is once a year during the safety check.
-You watch your favorite shows "on top the TV"
-The best cooks all use lots of mayonnaise
-An approaching hurricane means only one thing...surf's up, brah!
-"You like beef" has nothing to do with what's for dinner
-You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Hawaii.
Got deez from da kine, Brah. Jus fo fun. Enjoy!
Dave
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hawaiianmusiclover06
`Olu`olu
USA
562 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2007 : 08:57:15 AM
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| Mahalo nui loa for sharing that Dave! It's so funny. I been getting things like that in my email and you can look it up on google too. I will share the other ones I got later on. K-den. Thanks for posting. |
Aloha Kakou, maluhia a me aloha mau loa (Hello everyone, peace and love forever) |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2007 : 12:45:32 PM
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Q) What do you call a Haole trying to talk pidgin?
A) Training Bra!
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Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2007 : 12:57:35 PM
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A Hawaiian, a Japanese and a Portuguese were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a Waikiki building. One day as they were eating lunch, the Hawaiian said, "Fish and Poi! If I get Fish and poi one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building." The Japanese opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Sushi again! If I get sushi one more time I’m going to jump off, too." The Portuguese opened his lunch and said, "Portuguese sausage and rice again. If I get a Portuguese sausage and rice one more time I’m jumping off also!"
Next day the Hawaiian opens his lunchbox, sees the fish and poi and jumps to this death. The Japanese opens his lunch, sees sushi and jumps too. The Portuguese opens his lunch, sees the Portuguese Sausage and rice and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral, the Hawaiian man’s wife is weeping. She says, "If I’d known how really tired he was of fish and poi I never would have given it to him again!" The Japanese man’s wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him teriyaki or tempura!" I didn’t realize he hated sushi so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Portuguese man’s wife. "Hey, no look at me" she said. "Da bugga makes his own lunch!"
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Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
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Retro
Ahonui
USA
2368 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2007 : 1:08:32 PM
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| How come a local man is pleased when you call him "bra," but angry when you call him "panty?" |
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Menpachi Man
Lokahi
274 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2007 : 3:15:09 PM
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I get some mo ... (onleh one hard core local going figgah some of dis)
U know u from Hawaii wen:
- You tell yo friends "go stay go" and dey leave, "no go stay go yet" and dey stay.
- You know that da horse-sh?t ling hi mui is some people's favorite.
- You engaged in the following: Friend:"eh you know da da kine?" You:"yeah, i know da da kine." Friend:"okay no foget em eh?" You:"yea yea, no worry brah, i going get em"
- When someone say "Wot? ... I OWE YOU MONEH?" you know dey not talkin about money, and you know to look straight ahead unless you askin fo some action (bad kine).
- You see A-LOT, B-LOT, C-LOT, etc etc etc. But your mind stay funneh kine and stuck on B-LOT either smiling or pissed off. (maybe i should edit this one out ... i am sure people will let me know.)
- You like da stuff dat is real hauna to mainlanders: harm ha, bagoong, natto, dried akule, grilled dried ika, fermented kimchee, etc ... (add your own).
- You know to make sure you referring to a reading book when a Pinoy is around and you say "book".
- You watch Frank DeLima make fun of your race and you are not at all offended. Instead, you jus "bus laff".
- You can say: "humu humu nuku nuku apu a a" easily without stopping and with the "regulah" accent.
- You know da same obake stories that plenny oddah guys know or some variants of it ... eg, Pele stories. And get good fun tellin em ova an ova and ova and ova ....
- You real local if you KNOW those obake stories are fo realz.
- You know some guys like da poi real sour -- "mold on top, dey mix em back in, leave em one mo day, get mo mold, mix em up some mo, come all red/pink den eat em". (dat's how i do it)
- You know what dry-land kumu is. (eh brah, like go spock some kumu down alamoana beach? ... Ans: sounds good brah! ,,, we go.)
- If you one titah, you going bus yo guy up when you find out he tryin fo spock da dry-land kumus.
- Fo olda generationers: When small kid time, you knew what words was English but neva knew which oddah words was filipino, japoneh, kanaka, pakeh, potagee, etc etc, or local slang until you grew up.
- You eat opihi down da beach fresh out of da shell alive and all, or charcoal em upside-down, pokeh em, or miso soup em , or bagaong em, or kim chee em, and den everybodeh play 3-4 variations of opihi moe moe on slack key afta mo den 3-4 beer usually not perfect.
- You know one big moke (ova 300 LB) who look like he can bus you up real bad, but when he sing, he get one real shakah voice singing Hawaiian falsetto, you kanikapila, drink beer, get good fun, come good friends.
- You know big island guys say "ice shave" and everybodeh else say "shave ice".
- You know da difference between teedah and titah.
- If you attended funerals in all the different religions of da world.
- You know who it is when someone refer to lobstah's down da beach.
- You eva had to patch repairs on da rubbah slippahs.
- A poundah means a 100 lb ulua or one poi poundah (some local guys givin me funneh kine looks .... eh JUS JOKE guys !!!!  FYI: poundah is an ulua over 100 Lbs)
(sorry if already published ... I was not aware ... these are random thoughts out of my head and my own personal experiences)
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Edited by - Menpachi Man on 03/21/2007 7:27:40 PM |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2007 : 01:00:51 AM
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Menpachi - I think you need to write a book. You have great thoughts, you are entertaining, and if you look for the kaona, so to speak, you can really appreciate the wisdom. Are you one kahuna?
You know you from Hawai`i when:
-you be shame if you only bring bag of potato chips to luau
- know how to celebrate pau hana instead of bring work home at night and weekends. |
Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
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RWD
`Olu`olu
USA
850 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2007 : 02:47:37 AM
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I remember a mainland friend being asked "eh, you like beef". He was getting ready to seal his fate with a "yes" and I had to step in to stop his naive answer.
I also didn't think anyone would post the words refering to a bad natured woman or a bad natured non-haole.
A lot of forgotten memories in these postings for me.
Thanks
Bob
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Bob |
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Menpachi Man
Lokahi
274 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2007 : 3:35:23 PM
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Wanda:
I am sure a lot of locals and other knowledgeable folks are rather curious about what my response might be to your question "Are you a Kahuna?".
Here goes:
Yikes !!! I am quite embarassed to be equated with individuals who have great knowledge of the Hawaiian people, of the ancient Hawaiian customs, of Hawaiian medicine, Hawaiian spirituality, and who possess powerful mana.
I don't know too much. I cannot even speak Hawaiian! I only speak old time pidgin English with few Hawaiian, Chinese, Philipino (Filipino), Japanese, and Portuguese words infused. I am a simple backyard slackah, who enjoys beer, kanikapila, and appreciate the good in all cultures. I am an intermediate: intermediate guitah player, intermediate fisherman (except in catchin menpachi and holehole), intermediate scholar in Hawaiiana ..etc; you get the point. No way am I a Kahuna. My stuff was meant to be kolehe and good fun. I do thank you for the compliment though.
Maybe some of you more knowledgeable scholars could expound on Kahuna. I have often lamented the useage of "Kahuna" in popular media and commercial venues.
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Edited by - Menpachi Man on 03/22/2007 4:32:24 PM |
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Menpachi Man
Lokahi
274 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2007 : 4:23:52 PM
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okay I get some mo fo da topic:
- You know dat poundah can mean "100lb and ova ulua" or "real big surfa waves" (dis is for realz! not kiddin!)
- You know dat choke fish, or choke food has nothing to do with preventing fish from breathing or gagging on food
- When someone say artichoke, you going say "HAAH? eedah choke or not choke brah! Make up yo mind!" (yea yea, i know dis one is real dry)
- You know dat "toe jams" does not mean playin slack key wid da feet
- You know dat hannah buttah is NOT some stuff you put on veggies.
- You drinkin and den start to tank 'em wen someone say okole maluna.
- You drive one moke-mobile to go surfin or fishin.
- You know dat titah's can sound like one teedah when pissed off, den can go back into titah mode real quick. (yea, i know. if one titah fine out i tellin their secrets, they goin gimme dirdeh lickins [and not da good kine] )
Edit Da one from Wanda post:
- You only bring one bag potato chip to one party, den people shout at you: "WOT BRAH! You Manuela Boy?!!"
(Sorry if already published... It is easy for another local to duplicate some of these independently ) |
Edited by - Menpachi Man on 03/22/2007 4:49:32 PM |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2007 : 01:31:39 AM
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Menpachi -
You do have great mana. I can feel it all the way here. That is the primary thing needed to be a kahuna, in my small realm of experience. You say you don't know too much...I say you only need to know enough. All your postings meant to be kolohe have more important messages in them if you think about them beyond the surface. When you posted the first half of your "climb the rope out of Hell" story, I knew right away what you were talking about. You are teaching and imparting wisdom through your light-hearted, amusing postings. You are teaching us and we don't even know we are being taught. Reminds me of when we took our girls to Disney World for our 20th wedding anniversary. We were bopping all around Epcot, going into the different pavilions and taking in all the fun to be had. About half a day into the jaunt, our youngest turned to us and said "Now I get it...this is supposed to be educational!" She was having fun AND learning something at the same time.
When I was a kid in the hollers of West Va., we called a kahuna a granny woman. They knew plenty stories to tell that taught you something and you didn't even know it was teaching you, they knew all about the plants and stuff to do their "doctorin'", they could tell by looking at your eyes or your skin or your hair, or whatever, if you were sick or feeling poorly and they knew just what to do to make it better. They knew when you should plant what vegetable, etc.
Bottom line -- I would imagine all cultures have those who, in Hawai`i, would be called kahuna. Language is not a prerequisite for what you know in your heart and gut.
Mahalo nui loa to you.
kahuna
nvi.
1. Priest, sorcerer, magician, wizard, minister, expert in any profession (whether male or female); in the 1845 laws doctors, surgeons, and dentists were called kahuna. See kahu and many examples below; for plural see kâhuna. ho`o.kahuna To cause to be a kahuna or pretend to be one; to ordain or train as a kahuna.
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Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
Edited by - wcerto on 03/23/2007 09:56:42 AM |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2007 : 10:05:35 AM
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Re: lamenting the usage of kahuna in commercial venues:
The letter below to Dodge is from the following URL: http://www.petitiononline.com/Kahuna04/petition.html If you go to the web site, you can read the names of who signed the petition and what their comments to Dodge were.
To: Dodge
The Dodge company recently presented a new model car for 2004, called the Dodge Kahuna. Once again, a Hawaiian word is being used to sell something that has nothing to do with the word's actual definition. In the last 40 years, the word "kahuna" has been used as part of surf culture, representing a big jolly man from Hawai'i who speaks in slang. The word has also been used to describe anything that is large, whether it's another person or even a hamburger, as shown in the Quentin Tarantino film "Pulp Fiction". A "kahuna" is a person, a shaman, who participates in religious ceremonies. Yet its use in today's popular culture is far from its true definition, and by Dodge using the word for its cars, I feel they are doing nothing more than trying to cash in on the current trend of using Hawaiian words and artifacts to sell something. This misuse of the word is offensive among Hawaiians and Hawaiian culture, and I feel that the car should be renamed something else. I do not believe that Dodge did enough research in finding out the definition of this word. A few years ago, someone was going to name a bomb "Corpus Christi" in honor of the person who would be flying the plane and dropping the bomb somewhere, until someone told them that those words mean "Body Of Christ". The lack of respect and disregard of Hawaiian culture has got to stop. Either change the name to something more suitable by doing research on an appropriate Hawaiian word, or don't use any words at all. By signing this petition, you are saying that you feel that Dodge should change the name of the Dodge Kahuna, and release a formal apology explaining the reason for the name change.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
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Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
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alika207
Ha`aha`a
USA
1260 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2007 : 3:58:59 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by `Ilio Nui
YOU KNOW YOUR FROM HAWAII WHEN...
-You can understand and speak PIDGIN.
-You go to dinner and "make one plate" with all the extra food leftover.
-You automatically take off your shoes before entering people's homes.
-You wear rubber slippers to the beach and to school.
-You eat rice every single day.
-It's "shave ice" not"snow cones".
-You know NEVER to turn your back to the ocean.
-When someone says to "dress up" it means one nice aloha shirt and jeans.
-It's SHOYU, not soy sauce.
-You know you aren't supposed to whistle at night
-You eat Arare.
-To you, sushi means sushi, not RAW FISH!
-You would serve spam as a meat for dinner...
-You have a billion pairs of slippers in front your door when your family gets together
-You eat portuguese sausage, eggs, and rice for breakfast.
-You don't understand why anyone would buy less than a 20 lb bag of rice...
-You know why there are letters of the alphabet on trees on graduation day
-You know what the "stink eye" is; and how to give it.
-You know the difference between being hapa and being hapai
-You know what it takes to get into Kamehameha School.
-You say, "Nori" not seaweed.
-You say "Brah" not "Bro".
-Your jokes are about Portugese not Polish.
-You know what "Morgan's Corner " is ... (And it still scares you!)
-You think 70 degrees is freezing cold
-You call it "saimin" not "Top Ramen"
-Zippys is a default choice of where to eat!
-When you hear the words "fundraiser", you know it means Zippy's Chili or school kine cookies
-You have said "where we gon go? or "dakine"
-Your only suit is a bathing suit.
-You go to Neiman Marcus "jus fo look"
-The mainland people no can understand your language.
-You never understood why adding pineapple and ham to a pizza made it Hawaiian to the rest of the world
-The condiments at the dinner table are shoyu, ketchup, chili peppah watah, kimchee, takuwan, Hawaiian salt and pickled onion
-A balanced meal has three starches: rice, macaroni and bread
-You call everyone older than you "Aunty" or "Uncle" even though they aren't related to you
-Your philosophy is "Bumbai"
-You drive barefoot.
-You feel guilt leaving a get-together without helping clean up.
-You'd rather drag out the compressor and fill that leaking tire everysingle morning than have it fixed.
-The only time you honk your horn is once a year during the safety check.
-You watch your favorite shows "on top the TV"
-The best cooks all use lots of mayonnaise
-An approaching hurricane means only one thing...surf's up, brah!
-"You like beef" has nothing to do with what's for dinner
-You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Hawaii.
Got deez from da kine, Brah. Jus fo fun. Enjoy!
Dave
Maika'i no! Mahalo for sharing that! |
He kehau ho'oma'ema'e ke aloha.
'Alika / Polinahe |
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Menpachi Man
Lokahi
274 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2007 : 6:11:51 PM
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<chucklin to self> Wanda ... Da only mana I got is what psychiatrists would call schizophrenia.
When I fishing in certain areas:
Voices
When I am fishing
At places with mana
I hear voices
Voices upon da wind
Voices upon da waves
Voices from da heiau behind me
Voices from da akua in front me
A plethora of languages
I do not know what they are saying
Da voices are faint
Da voices are distant
And are kaha akua to me
Because the sound of the voices
No longer have an echo |
Edited by - Menpachi Man on 03/23/2007 7:42:04 PM |
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Menpachi Man
Lokahi
274 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2007 : 8:10:45 PM
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Okay staying on topic (some good fun, some sad) heh, i am on a roll.
- You undastand the meaning of bula'ia and ai'no'kea
- Wen you went filipino party you questioned da validity of da kaluapig
- You know neva to borrow money from a "chang"
- You know dat Waimanalo Blues is da same as Kona blues, Waikiki blues, Poipu blues, Kapaa blues, Lahaina blues (add your own)
- You left da islands because da jobs no pay enough for you to live at home.
- You know dat broke-da-mouth does not mean a punch in da face.
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Edited by - Menpachi Man on 03/23/2007 8:31:25 PM |
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