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keneke ka
Akahai
USA
75 Posts |
 Posted - 11/27/2007 : 8:20:21 PM
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What has 50 legs and 5 teeth ?
The front row of a Willie Nelson concert |
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T-Dan
Lokahi
USA
132 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2007 : 12:26:24 PM
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Why did da banjo player put his finger picks on the dashboard of his truck?
So he could park in da handicap zone...
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("borrowed" from the Bela Fleck/Edgar Meyer DVD "Music for Two" bonus material) |
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Mark
Ha`aha`a
USA
1628 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2007 : 1:17:36 PM
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What's the difference between a banjo and a harmonica?
Harmonicas only suck on some of the notes.
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JCat
Aloha
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2007 : 2:36:21 PM
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Hear about the two peanuts that went into a bar?
One was a salted . . .
******
Why is a Viola a better instrument than a Violin?
A Viola holds more beer . . .
JCat |
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keneke ka
Akahai
USA
75 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2007 : 5:29:39 PM
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Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street ?
His mom woke him up... |
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RWD
`Olu`olu
USA
850 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2007 : 6:53:19 PM
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They found a body floating in a lake, sprinkled with sugar an raisins.
Investigatores think it was the act of a cerial killer. |
Bob |
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keneke ka
Akahai
USA
75 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2007 : 10:02:34 PM
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One for the Holiday Season
Q : What is the difference between a Snowman and a Snow-woman ?
A. Snowballs
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Karl Monetti
`Olu`olu
USA
756 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2007 : 10:30:30 PM
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How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof?
Depends on how thin you slice 'em.
Olie sees Sven driving a new Chevy down the street. "Hey, Sven, where did you get the new car?" "Oh, that. Well, Lena came and picked me up in it a few hours ago. She took me out to the country, turned down a secluded lane, pulled over and stopped the car. Then she got out and took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want, Sven'. So, I took the car"
"Good choice", says Olie, "them clothes would never have fit ya."
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Karl
Frozen North |
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alika207
Ha`aha`a
USA
1260 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2007 : 2:41:50 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by bbenzel
Three guys walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What's this? Some kind of joke?"
A horse walks into a bar and takes a seat -- the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
An average woman walks into a bar and sits down. She hears a voice say "Wow, you really look good tonight." She thinks little of it, then a little later she hears "Hey, you look great in that dress." She looks around and sees nobody nearby. so she mentions it to the bartender who looks at her and says, "Oh, that's just the nuts. They're complimentary."
I knew your last two. |
He kehau ho'oma'ema'e ke aloha.
'Alika / Polinahe |
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alika207
Ha`aha`a
USA
1260 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2007 : 2:46:31 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Lawrence
But we should have some Musician jokes too...
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Q) What does it mean when the lead guitarist drools from both sides of his mouth?...
A) ...The stage is level.
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Q) What do you get when combine a Banjo, an Accordion and a Bagpipe?...
A) ....Seven years to Life.
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Q) How do you know when the fiddle player is playing in tune?...
A) ...They put down the bow.
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and of course, we all know the A-Flat-Miner one
I don't think I do. Tell it, please!
I have some musician ones too:
How do you get a guitar player to turn down the volume?
Put sheet music in front of him.
What's the difference between a baritone sax and a chain saw?
Vibrato.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To try and get away from that sound.
What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
You can tune a piano, guitar, 'uke, etc., but you can't tuna fish! |
He kehau ho'oma'ema'e ke aloha.
'Alika / Polinahe |
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alika207
Ha`aha`a
USA
1260 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2007 : 2:54:13 PM
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Here's another one for the holidays:
How can you make a turkey float?
You need two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey.
And another bar one:
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer, ... and a packet of peanuts." The bar tender says, "Why the big pause?" |
He kehau ho'oma'ema'e ke aloha.
'Alika / Polinahe |
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rendesvous1840
Ha`aha`a
USA
1055 Posts |
Posted - 12/01/2007 : 12:23:38 PM
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Q: What do you do when a banjo player comes to the door?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q:How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb, and three to say "Earl (Scruggs)didn't do it that way."
Q: What's the difference between a banjo player and a savings bond?
A: The bond will eventually mature.
Paul |
"A master banjo player isn't the person who can pick the most notes.It's the person who can touch the most hearts." Patrick Costello |
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alika207
Ha`aha`a
USA
1260 Posts |
Posted - 12/01/2007 : 1:00:32 PM
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OK, here's another lightbulb one that I told to Jesse Tinsley and Bill Wynne.
How many falsetto singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One: They're up there all the time! |
He kehau ho'oma'ema'e ke aloha.
'Alika / Polinahe |
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thumbstruck
Ahonui
USA
2168 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2007 : 05:40:37 AM
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb? 6--One to change the bulb and the rest to stand around and complain about it being electric.
How many TV producers does it take to change a light bulb?
Does it HAVE to be a bulb?
What do you call a guy that hangs around musicians? A drummer.
What is the advantage of the accordion over the guitar? The accordion is clearly marked for easy slicing. |
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RWD
`Olu`olu
USA
850 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2007 : 3:00:28 PM
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quote:
What do you call a guy that hangs around musicians? A drummer.
Ok, that one got me :) hahaha
I know there are good musician drummers out there, but still, it hit my funny bone. |
Bob |
Edited by - RWD on 12/04/2007 3:01:47 PM |
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