| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Mika ele
Ha`aha`a
USA
1493 Posts |
 Posted - 03/29/2010 : 11:46:03 AM
|
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a
rest.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture: a jab well done. |
E nana, e ho'olohe. E pa'a ka waha, e hana ka lima. |
 |
|
|
wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2010 : 12:56:12 PM
|
| Mike, you could stand writing all of those at one time? G-r-o-a-n! |
Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
|
|
|
cpatch
Ahonui
USA
2187 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2010 : 8:22:25 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Mika ele
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He got that way from having too much pi.
quote:
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
And she was at fault. |
Craig
My goal is to be able to play as well as people think I can. |
Edited by - cpatch on 03/29/2010 8:27:57 PM |
|
|
|
wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/31/2010 : 03:28:17 AM
|
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr.. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels." (read it again)
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in. "
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take
appropriate
action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment..
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**********************
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"
|
Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
|
|
|
wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 06/01/2010 : 01:49:37 AM
|
More...they keep coming:
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
|
Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
|
|
|
thumbstruck
Ahonui
USA
2176 Posts |
Posted - 06/01/2010 : 2:23:31 PM
|
A mind is a terrible thing to waste, a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Ignore your teeth, they'll just go away. (sign in my dentist's office)
Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels.
Playing the guitar will make you fret because of the strings attached. |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
I love Puns -- real groaners
