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Retro
Ahonui
USA
2368 Posts |
 Posted - 03/24/2010 : 7:37:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by FROPPE
What's Irish and sits around your backyard all day?
Patty O'Furniture
That's the stuff owned by the Irish family of hula dancers, right? The Lovely Houlihans? |
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cpatch
Ahonui
USA
2187 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2010 : 09:06:49 AM
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| Times Roman walks into a bar, sits down next to Helvetica. She takes one look at him, turns back to her drink, and says: "Sorry, you're not my type." |
Craig
My goal is to be able to play as well as people think I can. |
Edited by - cpatch on 03/25/2010 09:07:39 AM |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2010 : 09:27:05 AM
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| Hoh, Craig - that is a really big groaner. It was GREAT! |
Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
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Julie H
Ha`aha`a
USA
1206 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2010 : 09:32:16 AM
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Two teenage girlie-girls are sitting on the beach in California. One says to the other: "I wonder which is farther away, Florida or the moon?" The other girl replies: " HEEELLLOOOO, can you SEE Florida?"
groan.....
Julie |
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cpatch
Ahonui
USA
2187 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2010 : 7:34:59 PM
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| Dentists are good in battle, they demolarize the enemy. |
Craig
My goal is to be able to play as well as people think I can. |
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olu143
Aloha
21 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2010 : 8:44:33 PM
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I just got done reading this! How did I miss this? I'm laughing my *** off! I love it! I wish I knew some groaners!
Please keep em coming! LOL! =) |
Feed a man a fish you feed him for a day.
Teach him how to fish you feed him for the rest of his life. |
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rendesvous1840
Ha`aha`a
USA
1055 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2010 : 10:06:30 AM
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Feed a man a fish you feed him for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he won't ever do yard work again!
Housewife's definition of a fishing pole: A stick with a worm on each end.
Unko Paul |
"A master banjo player isn't the person who can pick the most notes.It's the person who can touch the most hearts." Patrick Costello |
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FROPPE
Akahai
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2010 : 10:12:14 AM
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| An Egyptian jumps off a tall building in Cairo, and goes "splat!" on the sidewalk below. As the investigating police officer arrives and begins questioning the crowd that had gathered, nobody seemed to know the identity of the deceased. Finally, one local stepped forward and said: "Officer, I'm terrible with names, but his fez looks familiar." |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2010 : 11:06:53 AM
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An unfortunate man with no arms wanted a job as bell ringer in the Cathedral of Notre Dame. He approached the priest and humbly ask to be given the job. The priest saw the man had no arms and questioned his ability to be able to ring the cathedral bells at the proper times. The man begged to be given a chance to show how well he could handle the job. So heck backed up a big and took a big running leap and smacked his face right into the bell, which barely donged. So he tried again, going back farther and taking an even bigger running leap at the bell. Splat, his face ran into the bell and rang the chimes, albeit not quite as vigorously as they needed to be in order for all the country-side to hear them ringing. So he tried again, going back even farther and taking a huge running leap at the bell only to miss, fall out of the belfry and land on the ground below the huge cathedral. The priest went running down to see about the unfortunate soul who lay there dead. The priest didn't even know his name and asked a passer-by if he knew the man. The passer-by replied, "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
In honor of cousin Dennis Finnerty, 1951-2004, the man with the best goraners in all the world. He elevated it to a fine art. We miss you, Dennis. |
Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
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Bing
Lokahi
USA
100 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2010 : 05:47:10 AM
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| a deaf mute went into a bicycle shop and picked up a wheel and spoke |
Bing |
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cpatch
Ahonui
USA
2187 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2010 : 8:07:08 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by wcerto
An unfortunate man with no arms wanted a job as bell ringer in the Cathedral of Notre Dame. He approached the priest and humbly ask to be given the job. The priest saw the man had no arms and questioned his ability to be able to ring the cathedral bells at the proper times. The man begged to be given a chance to show how well he could handle the job. So heck backed up a big and took a big running leap and smacked his face right into the bell, which barely donged. So he tried again, going back farther and taking an even bigger running leap at the bell. Splat, his face ran into the bell and rang the chimes, albeit not quite as vigorously as they needed to be in order for all the country-side to hear them ringing. So he tried again, going back even farther and taking a huge running leap at the bell only to miss, fall out of the belfry and land on the ground below the huge cathedral. The priest went running down to see about the unfortunate soul who lay there dead. The priest didn't even know his name and asked a passer-by if he knew the man. The passer-by replied, "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
The next day, a man (who has arms) arrives, claiming to be the deceased's brother. "Hi, I've come to take over my brother's job," he declares. The priest offers his condolences for the loss of his brother, and then escorts him to the bell tower.
"Your brother tried to ring the bell with his face," said the priest. "Will you do that too, or will you use your arms?" The newcomer replies "If my brother can ring it with his face, so can I!" So saying, he runs full bore at the bell, glances off it with his face, falls out the window and to his death in almost the exact same spot as his brother.
The priest rushes down to see what he can do for the poor man. A crowd gathers. A policeman arrives and asks the priest "Do you know who this man is?" The priest replies, "No, but he's a dead ringer for his brother." |
Craig
My goal is to be able to play as well as people think I can. |
Edited by - cpatch on 03/27/2010 8:07:24 PM |
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wcerto
Ahonui
USA
5052 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 02:04:32 AM
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| Oh, Craig. I didn't know there was a sequel. I've got to tell that to cousin Dennis' girls! Carry on his legacy!!!!! Mahalo for that! |
Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda |
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Julie H
Ha`aha`a
USA
1206 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 7:45:53 PM
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Yikes folks,
these are starting to get a little morbid!
Julie |
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Bing
Lokahi
USA
100 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2010 : 05:29:49 AM
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The village chief had a hand carved stone throne that he wanted in his elevated grass hut so that he could observe his people from above. It took the natives all day using poles and vines to get it in place. Of course it weighed too much and the whole thing came crashing to the ground.
The moral of the story is “People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones” |
Bing |
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cpatch
Ahonui
USA
2187 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2010 : 06:56:50 AM
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| Nice Bing...I remember that one from my junior high days (I had a science teacher who loved puns). |
Craig
My goal is to be able to play as well as people think I can. |
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I love Puns -- real groaners
